Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Dear Sophie,

Happy 2010! I can't believe this is the year you will turn three.  I'm already so nostalgic over your "baby years" and feel you slipping away from me as you continue to assert your independence on a daily, hourly and sometimes minute by minute basis.  

When you were first born, I remember that EVERYONE that saw us together would say, "enjoy this goes by so fast."  It got to the point where it was a little annoying.  Going by fast? Ha! Those first two months felt like time was standing still.  I wasn't sure which end was up, and I suppose when you're awake 20 out of 24 hours in a day, it does kind of feel like time is moving in slow motion.  One night, one particularly rough night during those first two months, I lay in bed crying because there was nothing I could do to make you happy.  You were miserable with reflux, only we didn't know it at the time.  Your daddy sat in front of you while you were in the baby swing and talked to you.  I remember him saying "can't we just fast forward to one years old??"  I laughed because it felt like we would never get there.  But, before I knew it, we were having your first birthday celebration.  As fast as that came, I seriously BLINKED and your second birthday was here.  We'd gone from slow motion to someone hitting the fast forward button!

I wish I had written more, taken more pictures, video taped more.  Not that you are neglected in any of those areas - far from it.  But, had I known then what I know truly fast the time would go, I would have been better at documenting the "Sophie Early Years".  So there's the first of many truths you'll learn about your mama, Sophie.  I'm imperfect in many ways.  And trust me when I tell you that you will be too.  Take it from your mom - that's a truth you should embrace as early in your life as possible.  Don't waste the time trying to be perfect - it is truly impossible.  

So I felt like I should take a minute to pause at the start of this new year and just remember all of the joy you've brought us over the last year.  The problem is, there are way too many moments of joy to remember them all.  It's cruel how quickly those moments leave and are replaced with new ones.  Bigger ones. Sometimes better ones.  The realization that you're growing is so bittersweet.  How many nights have I prayed over you, begging God to give us another perfectly imperfect, wonder-filled day together?  Oh, how gracious He's been to us Sophie.  And yet, like a fool who wastes wishes, I feel like I should have added a clause to those requests..."and make the day go by as slow as possible, so I can savor every single moment we have together."  I can't slow down the time we have together.  But I can tell you that every minute of every day since August 14th, 2007 has been infinitely better, richer and more joyful because of you.  I will never take our time together for granted, because there are so many people who never get the chances we've had.  

So, as I continue to watch the beautiful metamorphosis of your life unfolding before me, I will be grateful for every single day we're together.  And instead of mourning the loss of my "baby", I will embrace the gain of my precious child.  I will celebrate your milestones, your growth, your spirited independence.  And, I will try to remember all of this when you scream "Don't talk to me MOMMY!" 

Here's a funny story to end with.  A few days ago, you and I went out to dinner while daddy was working.  You were, in typical Sophie fashion, bossing me around and saying things to shame me in public.  Basically making me question why we ever taught you to talk.  You weren't bratty (not my girl!) but just extremely opinionated and loudly expressing your dissension.  A woman walked up to me and asked how old you were.  I told her you were two and she smiled, telling me how cute you were.  Then she said, "good luck when she's 14!"  

I happen to be of the opinion that I'll need more luck when you're four, than when you're 14.  But, only time will tell.  And that's something I'm very much looking forward to...more time!

Here's to a fabulous 2010 together. one loves you more than me!

your mama!

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